


Doesn't Change Anything

by DawnDragon32



Series: Dakota's AftG Fic's/One Shot's [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Neil Josten, Coming Out, Do NOT copy to another website, Established Relationship, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnDragon32/pseuds/DawnDragon32
Summary: Neil leaned back in his chair. He was in the library, at a table near the computers. It wasn’t his normal spot, but he had been using one of the computers before he had needed the space of a table, and it was late enough that the table closest to the computers was completely empty.He was done, about to text Andrew to come pick him up so they could go to night practice, when he heard some people talking behind him,“You do know there’s a difference between pansexual and bisexual, right?”
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Dakota's AftG Fic's/One Shot's [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929010
Comments: 8
Kudos: 133





	Doesn't Change Anything

**Author's Note:**

> See the end notes for my rambling that I do while I write, but only read it after the fic, cause there could be spoilers there.

Neil leaned back in his chair. He was in the library, at a table near the computers. It wasn’t his normal spot, but he had been using one of the computers before he had needed the space of a table, and it was late enough that the table closest to the computers was completely empty.

He was done, about to text Andrew to come pick him up so they could go to night practice, when he heard some people talking behind him,

“You do know there’s a difference between pansexual and bisexual, right?”

“Well yeah, but I just have never heard a good explanation before.”

There was an exasperated sigh, before the first person began to speak again,

“The best explanation I have ever heard is that for bisexual people, attraction feels different depending on the gender your attracted to, so girls feel like ahhh, and boys feel like ohhh, and people who are nonbianry feel like hmmm.”

Neil began to put his books back in his bag while he listened in.

“And then for pansexual people all attraction feels like one of those, so no matter the gender, it feels like ahhh. You get it?”

“I think so?”

Their voices faded and Neil heard footsteps as they left the library.

Neil let their conversation sink in. He knew about being bisexual, had listend to Renee explain her relationship to Andrew, about how she was bisexual, and in a polyamorus relationship. He didn’t exactly understand wanting to be in a relationship with more than one person, but he knew his friend was happy and that was all that mattered.

Neil had never heard of pansexual before.

He looked around the room, checking the clock on the wall, noting how much time he had til the library closed, before going back to the computer he had been on before.

He opened google, and hesitated for a moment before searching, 

‘How many sexualies are there?”

So many different webpages showed up that Neil was immediately filled with the urge to just close the tab out and forget about it. It’s not like he needed to know, Andrew was it for him. But under the ‘people also ask’ at the bottom was ‘what is asexual?’

Neil clicked on it.

The little drop down explained about not being attracted to anyone sexually, and Neil felt his eyebrows draw together. That sounded close to how he felt, really close, but he enjoys doing sexual things with Andrew. He closed the little drop down and more popped up under it. ‘What is demisexual?’ ‘What is gray-asxual?’

Neil was about to click on the first drop down, when his phone started buzzing constantly beside him. Caller id said it was Kevin, and Neil just had time to look at the clock above his name before flipping the phone open,

“Hey, sorry I got caught up in something.”

“Where are you? We’ve been texting you.” Kevin sounded stressed, and Neil could understand why.

“Library, my phone was on silent.”

Kevin sighed, before relaying the message away from the phone.

“I’ll wait outside, I think the librarian is about to come tell me to get lost anyway.”

Neil closed out the tab, slinging his bag over his shoulder, and got up. He didn’t mean to leave in a hurry, but from the way the lady at the front desk looked at him as he left, he could tell he was rushing.

Neil only had to wait a few minutes before the maserati pulled up beside him.

He climbed in, Andrew giving him a look, but Neil just shook his head.

Neil could tell he was a little out of it during their practice. Kevin shouting at him didn’t motivate him like it normally did, and eventually Kevin called it early. Neil didn’t protest, just went to the locker room.

The drive back was quiet, but Neil didn’t even really notice til they pulled in front of Fox tower, too busy thinking about asexulality. He looked up as Kevin opened the door, and got out. Neil went to follow but then he noticed Andrew wasn’t getting out, and had turned in his seat slightly to look at him.

Neil just looked at him for a second before shaking his head again, and getting out. Andrew followed after a second.

Neil crept past the bedroom door after he was done in the bathroom, down the hallway to find the livingroom blissfully empty, and Kevin’s laptop open. He grabbed it and settled onto the couch, opening it to find that it had yet to fall asleep, and the battery was at half. Which should be just enough time to google what those other two sexualites mean.

He pulled up google and typed in ‘demisexual’.

He bit at his lip as he read the definition that popped up. Attraction only after an emotional connection. He wished that felt right, it would make since, Andrew is someone he feels close to, probably the closest he has ever felt to anyone.

‘Gray-asexual’

‘What does sexual attraction feel like?’

‘What is pansexual?’

‘What is panromantic?’

‘What is aromantic?’

‘Can asexual people enjoy having sex?’

Neil’s eyes felt itchy, and Kevin’s laptop was low on battery, but he didn’t care. His last google search had proven to be useful, finally. It was just a dumb tumblr post, but reading the words ‘just because you don’t look at people and think about have sex with them doesn’t mean you don’t want to have sex with someone you love. It’s about feeling good together, and being close’ where actually helpful to his exhausted brain.

Neil closed all the tabs, a good feeling in his chest and stomach, as he shut the laptop and sat it back where he found it.

Neil opened the door and climbed in bed as quietly as he could, but Andrew still peaked his head around to look at him. Neil couldn’t help his snicker, Andrew looked ridiculous upside down, but he still shook his head,

“I’ll tell you later, ok?”

He kept his voice quiet, but he wasn’t too worried about waking Kevin and Nickey.

Andrew’s eyebrows drew down, and he made a big show of sighing, but he lifted himself back up to his own bed.

Neil only ended up getting a few hours of sleep, but he tried not to let it show during practice, and he mostly succeeded, but he fell asleep during his only class of the day. He only woke up because the person next to him dropped their phone as they were getting up.

Afternoon practice went by in a blur, and he vaguely remembered Kevin giving Andrew a look, that Andrew only graced with a shrug.

Neil followed Andrew up the stairs to the roof after dinner. He sat as close to Andrew as he dared, letting Andrew decide if they touched or not, and sighed quietly as Andrew moved so their knees were pressed together.

Andrew let their finger touch as he passed Neil a cigarette, and Neil tried to focus on it. He was nervous. More than he had realized he would be last night after his discovery. He didn’t know how Andrew would react to this, and his brain was good at coming up with worst case scenarios, convincing him that Andrew would be mad at him, that he wouldn’t understand that when they were together Neil likes what they do, that it feels good to him. But he knew he had to tell Andrew.

Neil peeked at him out of the corner of his eye. Andrew was looking out across the parking lot, Neil couldn’t see what he was watching, but maybe it was one of those times that Andrew wasn’t looking at anything, was thinking about something.

“Andrew.”

He blinked, and Neil saw his eyes coming back into focus as he turned his head toward him.

Neil bit at his lip before sighing,

“I have something I need to say, and I need you to not interrupt me before I’m done, ok?”

Andrew’s eyebrows furrowed, but he nodded, flicking his fingers that weren’t holding his cigarette, at him, a silent continue.

Neil took a deep breath,

“I think I’m asexual.”

Andrew held up a hand, and Neil frowned at him, but before he could continue Andrew asked,

“What does that mean?”

Neil swallowed,

“I was getting to that.”

Andrew nodded once.

“So, being asexual means that I don’t feel sexual attraction.”

Andrew turned to look at him fully, a fierce look in his eyes. Neil felt his stomach churning, and he stubbed what was left of his cigarette out letting it sit beside him as he clutched at the knees of his jeans, and then turned back to Andrew,

“You can ask questions now.” He was so nervous he couldn’t even really remember all he was going to say.

“You’re not attracted to me?” Andrew’s voice was angry, and for the first time Neil was actually very upset to hear the emotion in his voice.

“Not like that, it’s different.”

“You don’t like sex?”

“I do, it’s just different for me.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said it means. I like what we do, but it’s more about just feeling good with you.”

Neil took a deep breath, letting Andrew think about what he said and he looked down at the car.

Andrew was quiet for a while, and then Neil watched as the last of Andrew’s cigarette fell from beside him, and then Andrew reached out and grabbed his chin, pulling his face toward him. Andrew studied his face, before sighing,

“You like what we do?”

Neil nodded.

“You’re nervous.”

“I don’t want things to change between us.”

“Then why did you tell me? It doesn’t change anything. I would have gone the rest of my life thinking your bi.”

Neil sighed in relief,

“You could tell. Last night. And we don’t lie.”

Andrew nodded, before tilting his head slightly to the side,

“You just discovered this last night? Usually people sit on this for awhile.”

“I didn’t want to. I already knew how I felt, I just didn’t have a way to tell you.”

Andrew nodded, pulling Neil’s head down, and pressed his lips to Neil’s forehead, before completely letting go of him to light another cigarette.

Neil smiled softly, pulling his leg up to wrap his arm around and leaned his chin on it, watching the sun set.

**Author's Note:**

> -Ok, this is my first fic in this fandom, so they will probably be ooc. Hopefully not, I mean I read so much fic for these characters, I hope I can get them right.  
> -Damn, I am currently procrastinating reading Carry On, and like. Here I am, writing this instead. -I know so many people like to headcanon Neil as demi, and I like it too, but also, I kinda just like ace Neil. Like. You can enjoy sex and not experence sexual attraction. For Neil it’s about being close to Andrew, and feeling good together.  
> -That description of the differences between pan and bi are from tumblr, and they are totally the best I have ever heard, not gonna lie to you. Edit: found out other bi people feel like that description is insensitive to bi history. I don't feel this way because we can always discover new ways to describe things, and the real history in it is really confusing and most people are gonna say it doesn't matter.  
> -Why does no one ship Allison/Renee, Renee/Jean, Jean/Jeremy polyam?? Like…. Its so good, why??? I don’t really talk about it here, but like, that’s the polyam relationship she’s in in this fic.  
> -Neil and Andrew like Kevin he is their FRIEND AND THEY DON”T HATE HIM AND THEY ARE NOT MEAN TO HIM 24/7.  
> -alkshdhasdh 2013 4 door maserati’s are absolutely gross looking, but Andrew took one look at the pretty 2 doors and knew that Kevin would be squished back there, and knew that as much as it would be satisfying to piss him off for the first few minutes he sat back there, it’s gonna be fucking annoying hear for the next however many years this car lasts.  
> -Kevin is an absolute bro, and never brings up that Neil didn’t clear his search history and accidentally outed himself to Kevin.  
> -This is like, Neil’s third year, Andrew’s fourth year. Just so you know the timeline, and why Andrew doesn’t ask with every little touch.-I feel like the ending is abrupt, but I don't know how to end this, oops.  
> -I hate the title, but I really can't think of a better one.


End file.
